Thursday, June 7, 2007

Tentacle Todd and Burnt Beans...Blast From the Past 2

I had been a single girl in Dallas for almost a month, and I went on my first date to some odd results. Ginsuchop didn't fare much better in her quest to hide the smell of burnt beans.

From: RandomGirlinTX
To: GetawayDriver, Ginsuchop, Kim-eh
Subject: Dirty!
Date: Mon, 4 Mar 2002 05:50:16

Date went as follows:
Went out to a cute little Mexican restaurant. Talked over dinner, good conversation, things are going well. It only takes us about a half hour to eat.

So, we both decided to go back to my house and watch Cops. So we are watching Cops and sitting at opposite ends of the room.

Then, out of nowhere, during the commercial break, he gets up to *stretch*, and then comes over and kisses me. I was completely shocked, but things were going well so a little kiss can’t hurt. Too bad as soon as commercial break is over, he stops and becomes completely immersed in the tv again (even though he had seen this episode before). Then the next commercial break hits, and he comes at me again.

As the first element of surprise has worn off, I realize that this guy was devouring my whole face in a sucker on a tentacle sort of fashion. Luckily, commercial breaks are not long. He shall now be known as Tentacle Todd.

I ended the date after Cops was finished. Was hoping to have intelligent discussion over criminal law system, or at least wifebeater tees and instead almost got devoured by a giant squid.

From: Ginsuchop
To: GetawayDriver, RandomGirlinTX, Kim-eh
Subject: Dirty!
Date: Mon, 4 Mar 2002 09:23:16

My weekend was relatively uneventful.
Impounded cars: 0, burnt food incidents: 1 (Editor’s note: After a night of drinking with me, Ginsuchop decided to go back to her place and cook some pinto beans. Unfortunately she passed out while the beans were on the stove. The next morning there was a putrid burnt pinto bean smell emanating from her apt. I could smell it from the parking lot), dirty boy count: 2.

Mom told me to simmer some vinegar on the stove as is supposed to absorb (pinto bean) smell, in theory. Burnt it. Now apartment smells like combination of burnt pinto beans and burnt vinegar.

Got mauled by 35-year old Italian in club who sounded just like the pepper boy from SNL. Also got hit on by Ed Burns look-a-like with shaggy hair and a plaid shirt who had very racist language.

He asked to call me sometime. Neglected to tell him that name was not in phone book as have just moved to Dallas. Oops.


Unknown said...

OMG! Girl, I so don't remember writing that email but it's so d*mn funny! Haven't laughed so hard in a long time! I so remember the SNL pepper boy! Ha! I'm fetalling it on the floor right now! Haha!

BTW: I totally passed out and burnt some Mac & Cheese like 3 weeks ago! The smell wasn't nearly as bad as the beans - it only took me like 3 bottles of lysol to make the apt smell okay! Hahahahhaha!

Unknown said...

Tentacle Todd! Haha!