More People I Can't Stand

Have you ever met someone that embodies every single characteristic that you can't stand? Well I work with him. And don't say I am exaggerating. If you met this guy, you would hate him too. As a matter of fact, nobody likes him at ALL except for my boss. And that poses a problem.

So I shall now tell you how he embodies every attribute that I hate in an entertaining way.

• Loud as hell: Hey, after a few beers my volume rises, and that's ok. It's expected at a bar, and gets kind of funny when I make fun of someone and am too drunk to realize they can hear me. But when you are at work and talking on the phone SO LOUDLY that I can hear you at 100 paces (yes, I counted), this means you are either almost deaf or REALLY have to let everyone know that you are a big important guy working on big important things. You deserve to be clubbed in the head, especially when you pull this crap in a cube farm where you are disturbing others.
  
• Condescending: He talks down to everyone, including my boss. My boss has a more advanced degree in a harder field so I would imagine that my boss gets really annoyed by having 9th grade chemistry re-explained to him. But he seems to appreciate it. I don't know what the hell kind of magic this guy is capable of, but I think he sneaks into my boss's house at night and waves a magic amulet in front of him until he 'gets sleepy'. We work in a manufacturing environment and he also talks down to the operators, machinists, and maintenance personnel. That's a great way to get your projects lost, your computer loaded with viruses, and your car keyed.
• Delusions of Grandeur: He thinks he is a lot more important than he is. When he is talking to other managers, he approaches a problem with this phrase,"Well, if I were in charge of this area, I would..." ...hey there you waste of blood and plasma...you're not in charge of anything, and this is most likely for a reason. If you were in charge of something, you would blabber about it endlessly, then instead of doing your job blow up a seahorse innertube and want some recognition.
  
• Talks a lot, does nothing: This guy can talk a good game, and at an impressive volume. He is always talking about how busy he is. But he consistently misses deadlines and never shows tangible results on anything. Unless you give him a project and ask him about it 6 months later. And it takes me 10 minutes to do the same thing.
• Cannot dress properly: Is his wife blind?
• A bit pervy: Freely admitted he has gone to playgrounds and taken pictures of random little kids.
• Backstabbing: When none of the above tactics work, he gains favor with others by questioning colleague's credentials and ability to do their job. Hey, if I can't look good, I will just make everyone else look worse. It's not working, jerkoff.